Crucial Conversations: How?

Conflict is inevitable. It can be complicated, difficult and sometimes even destructive. But it doesn’t have to be. What if we knew how to process our differences in healthy ways? What if we had a better understanding of what we should be fighting about and how we should be fighting? In this series we’ll talk about the dynamics in healthy conflict resolution and learn how to have crucial conversations in a way that preserves our relationships and honors God.

The songs “Let Her Go” by Passenger and “Without Running Away” by Jason Gray will be performed in support of today’s message.

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My ways are not your ways

My thoughts are not your thoughts

As the heavens are higher than the earth

Search me and know my heart
I give myself to you

For the heavens are higher than the earth

I know your ways are higher
I know your love is greater

Show me your ways

I wanna be more like you
Make me more like you

My ways are not your ways

My thoughts are not your thoughts

As the heavens are higher than the earth

Lord come and mold my heart

My eyes are set on you

For the heavens are higher than the earth

I know your ways are higher
I know your love is greater

Show me your ways
I wanna be more like you

I know your ways are higher
I know your love is greater

Show me your ways

I wanna be more like you
Make me more like you

My ways are not your ways

My thoughts are not your thoughts

For the heavens are higher

I know your ways are higher
I know your love is greater

Show me your ways
I wanna be more like you

I wanna be more like you
Make me more like you

I know your ways are higher
I know your love is greater

Show me your ways
I wanna be more like you

This Love

One love to overshadow
every other love

One love to break the darkness,

One love to overcome

Oh Lord, your love
it burns as fire,

Brighter than the flame

As surely as the air I breathe

As surely as your word's alive in me

I'm held oh grace remind me

As surely as the stars above me

Life eternal waiting for me

And I owe it to this love

One love beyond the heavens

And deeper than the seas

One love will be forever

Greater than my need
Oh yeah

Oh Lord, your love
it burns as fire,

Brighter than the flame

As surely as the air I breathe

As surely as your word's alive in me

I'm held oh grace remind me

As surely as the stars above me

Life eternal waiting for me

And I owe it to this love

As surely as the air I breathe

As surely as your word's alive in me

I'm held oh grace remind me

As surely as the stars above me

Life eternal waiting for me

And I owe it to this love

As surely as the air I breathe

As surely as your word's alive in me

I'm held oh grace remind me

As surely as the stars above me

Life eternal waiting for me

And I owe it to this love

I stand redeemed
all I receive

I owe it to this love

I stand redeemed
all I receive

I owe it to this love

Come to me, Timothy, as soon as you can. You see, Demas has fallen for this world, abandoned me, and headed off to Thessalonica...

Keep your eye out for Alexander the coppersmith! He came against me with all sorts of evil—may the Lord pay him back accordingly

so watch your back because he has gone overboard to oppose our message. II Timothy 4:10-15

Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:15

Speaking the truth in love

The anatomy of a crucial conversation:

1. The hazardous half-minute

2. The heart of truth

3. The hope-filled ending

The hazardous half-minute

One of the most important skills you can develop in order to have crucial conversations well is to identify what needs to be said first. You have two tasks in the "hazardous half-minute":

1. Help the other party/person know you care about their interests and goals, almost as much as they do.

This creates the condition of mutual purpose. (This won't work obviously, if you don't actually care.)

2. Create mutual respect—let them know that you care about them. How do you create mutual respect when someone is behaving poorly?

Remember that people never get defensive about what you're saying; they become defensive because of why they think you're saying it.

So take some time to purify your intent beforehand, and remember that your half of the conversation is only about you. Crucial Conversations,
by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny

The heart of truth

1. Sharing the final 10%

2. As questions - avoid declarations

Benefits:

a. You reflect humility

b. You keep the conversation open

Could you help me understand?

The hope-filled ending

Does this conversation mean that I am getting fired?

Does this conversation mean that the friendship is over?

Does this conversation mean that we are getting divorced?

Does this conversation mean that whatever good thing we have known is now over?

Love as I have loved you... John 13:34

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